Tag Archives: 5/10

Video Game DLC Review: Fallout: New Vegas: Dead Money [Xbox 360]

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Fallout: New Vegas: Dead Money [Xbox 360]

Fallout: New Vegas: Dead Money
System: Xbox 360 (also on PS3 and PC)
Genre: Action RPG
Publisher: Bethesda Softworks
Developer: Obsidian Entertainment
Release Date: December 21, 2010

Every now and then I get the urge to go back to the Fallout universe. Something about that post-apocalyptic wasteland drives me in and doesn’t let go for hours at a time. Although I have exhausted Fallout 3, I still have an unfinished campaign of Fallout: New Vegas sitting on my hard drive, with many of the DLC expansions remaining untouched.

Dead Money was the first piece of downloadable content released for New Vegas, and it offers an intriguing premise. A mysterious signal from an abandoned Brotherhood of Steel bunker beckons the Courier, and visiting this location leads to him being knocked out and transported to the Sierra Madre Casino. The Courier awakens to find an explosive collar wrapped around his neck, and he is commanded by the Brotherhood elder, Father Elijah, to work together with three other captives to pull off a massive heist at the casino. Since the collar will go off if he attempts to leave, the Courier has no choice but to accept, and he does so without any of his weapons, armor or loot. Yeah, no one ever said this was going to be easy.

Fallout: New Vegas: Dead Money

In fact, this expansion is downright brutal at times in terms of difficulty. Not being able to start with your normal loot is a huge disadvantage, and finding worthwhile weapons is a monumental task in itself. Health packs are also scarce, so it can be important to dodge enemies instead of fighting them head on.

Dead Money‘s environment also has other factors that raise its challenge. There is a toxic red fog that covers much of the area, and the Courier loses health rapidly if caught in it. The explosive collar is also a nuisance since its signal causes interference with the various radios and speakers scattered around the environment. If he gets too close to one of them, the collar will explode, killing him and the other three captives. Throw in a handful of new enemies — including the incredibly annoying ghost people — and this can become quite the frustrating save-and-reload experience.

Fallout: New Vegas: Dead Money

What makes Dead Money worth playing is its story. There’s quite a bit of substance in terms of plot, and the characters are especially entertaining. The three captives are an amusing bunch. There’s a super mutant with a split personality — “Dog” and “God” frequently bicker with themselves –, a radioactive ghoul named Dean Domino that used to be lounge singer at the casino, and a mute scribe named Christine that lost her voice in one of the most horrific ways possible. It’s a lot of fun getting to know these characters, and each one has their own quest in which the Courier spends a great deal of time with them.

The expanion lasts anywhere from 6-8 hours, so there is a good amount of juice. It’s just a shame that the great storyline and entertaining characters are diminished by the punishing, repetitive gameplay.

5/10

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Movie Review: Somebody Up There Likes Me [2012]

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Somebody Up There Likes Me [2012]

Somebody Up There Likes Me [2012]
Director: Bob Byington
Screenplay: Bob Byington
Genre: Comedy
Starring: Nick Offerman, Keith Poulson, Jess Weixler
Running Time: 76 minutes

Somebody Up There Likes Me is an indie comedy that will no doubt fly under most people’s radars. Its biggest selling point is its co-producer, Nick Offerman, who also has a supporting role in the film. Without him, I imagine this would have a hard time gaining any traction.

The film follows the life of aimless twentysomething Max (Keith Poulson), a waiter who is recovering from a divorce. He works with his best friend, Sal (Offerman), and falls in love with another co-worker, the breadstick-chomping Lyla (Jess Weixler). Max and Lyla quickly get married, and the film shows their subsequent life together in five year increments.

The two of them have a kid, get rich, have affairs and struggle as parents, all within the film’s 76-minute running time. Max never ages in appearance, and the other characters only show their age via subtle changes to their hair color. Max is also in possession of a mysterious briefcase that emits blue color when opened — perhaps that is the source of his seemingly eternal youth? Not unlike Pulp Fiction, we are never shown what’s inside.

Somebody Up There Likes Me [2012]

There’s a lot crammed into the film’s brief length, yet it feels like nothing of any substance ever happens. Major life events come and go in a matter of minutes. While this is a part of the film’s shtick, it makes it hard to care about any of the characters.

It doesn’t help that Max is a completely unlikable guy anyway. His disenchanted and apathetic demeanor (think Napoleon Dynamite) isn’t appealing in the slightest, and it’s miraculous that he manages to stumble his way into success while hooking up with beautiful women as if it were nothing. Sometimes his deadpan delivery gives way to some good jokes, but most of the time it falls flat.

Somebody Up There Likes Me [2012]

The best moments of the film come from Nick Offerman’s character — no surprise there — even though he isn’t given much to work with. Sal isn’t terribly different from Ron Swanson (of Parks & Recreation), but his blend of sarcasm never fails to amuse. There are also a couple of welcome cameos from Kevin Corrigan and Megan Mullaly.

In the end, there isn’t a whole lot to separate Somebody Up There Likes Me from the countless other indie comedies that have come out in recent years. Even its unique characteristics, such as Bob Sabiston’s (Walking Life, A Scanner Darkly) animated interludes, are underutilized and fail to paint a lasting impression. There’s a lot of talent in this film, but sadly it never comes together as any more than a one-off project.

5/10

 
On a side note, I went to a screening where Nick Offerman did a Q&A in person. Those 10 minutes of Offerman speaking were more hilarious than anything found in this movie.

PC Game Review: To the Moon [2011]

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To the Moon [2011]

To the Moon
System: PC
Genre: Adventure, Visual Novel
Publisher: Freebird Games
Developer: Freebird Games
Release Date: November 1, 2011

It’s always interesting when a new game comes out that tries to do something different with the medium. With last year’s indie hit, To the Moon, actual gameplay was basically scrapped in favor of telling an emotional story. Many fell head over heels for this, and it even won “Best Story” in Gamestop’s 2011 “Game of the Year” awards. It’s clear that the game struck a nerve for most. Unfortunately, it seems everyone is grading on a curve here because of the medium and not for the actual quality of the game.

To the Moon tells the story of a dying old man who has a lifelong dream to go to the moon. In a setting not unlike that of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, there is a company that allows artifical memories to be constructed, letting its recipients live out their dreams. Two employees of Sigmund Corp. — Dr. Eva Rosalene and Dr. Neil Watts — are sent to help this old man get his one wish.

To the Moon [2011]

In order to do so, they have to go back through his actual memories in reverse chronological order by picking up “mementos” along the way. This allows the scientists to learn about the man’s life while discovering exactly why he wants to go the moon. Without getting into spoilers, it isn’t a happy story, as the old man has suffered from a number of traumatic events throughout his life. In fact, by the end, this becomes a bit of a tragedy, with a few scenes included specifically to tug on the ol’ heartstrings. Unfortunately, these big reveals feel forced, and I felt little empathy for the old man, who wasn’t much of a likable fellow.

The game’s dialogue, mostly between the two scientists, is laughably bad. Neil, in particular, is a poorly-written character who acts incredibly immature — to the point of sheer annoyance. The writing is full of weak attempts at humor, as well as references to internet slang and acronyms that will surely be dated in a few years. In short, it comes across as amateur, and it is a significant cut below the films and novels that undoubtedly influenced it.

To the Moon [2011]

As for the actual gameplay, there is little. It mostly consists of walking around different areas in the old man’s life, talking to characters and picking up random “mementos” throughout. There are also half-assed attempts at sliding puzzles between each stage of his life, and they never increase in difficulty. There are a few diversions here and there, such as a brief “whack a mole” mini-game and a segment that involves riding a horse, but they just feel tacked on, and they add little in terms of entertainment.

While I am willing to overlook certain gameplay limitations if there is a good narrative to back it up, To the Moon lacks in both areas. It’s clear the emphasis here is on the story, but it cannot hold its own when compared to other dramatic works. Are we so starved for quality plot devices in video games that we are willing to grade anything resembling something different on a curve?

To the Moon [2011]

I will give the game credit for its aesthetics. Despite using the dated RPG Maker engine, the 16-bit graphics work well in this setting, and I enjoyed the throwback to days gone by. The original music score is beautiful and fits with the game’s more serious moments wonderfully, even if the title theme is played a bit much.

I hate to talk down an indie game, especially one that tries to differentiate itself from the rest, but To the Moon doesn’t come close to reaching the stars it so desperately seeks. The in-game writing, highly praised by most, would get laughed at in any other medium, and the actual gameplay is far too simplistic. At a brief four hours, at least the game doesn’t overstay its welcome.

5/10

Dabbling In Mediocrity: Bad Teacher [2011] and Red State [2011]

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I watched both of these movies recently but couldn’t be bothered to write up full reviews for them.

Bad Teacher [2011]
Bad Teacher [2011]
Directed by Jake Kasdan
Starring Cameron Diaz, Jason Segel, Justin Timberlake.
When it comes to comedies, I have a pretty open mind. Hell, I enjoyed The Hangover 2, despite most critics and blogger extraordinaires hating it. So I had fairly reasonable expectations for Bad Teacher, believing I might enjoy it more than others. Nope, not the case at all. Cameron Diaz’s role as the “bad teacher” is less than desirable. She’s bad all right, making me question how she ever got a teaching gig in the first place, but she’s also a truly unlikable character that should not have been the focus of a movie. I was hoping for some redeeming factors from her, anything at all, but that never happened. Therefore, when “bad” things started happening to her, I could care less. Nothing was resolved in the end, and the movie felt like an utter waste of time.

I laughed a few times, but the jokes were few and far in between, and ultimately forgettable. The movie also wasted the talents of Justin Timberlake and Jason Segel, as both play fellow teachers who don’t do really do much of anything. At least shit/fart jokes were kept to a minimum, and watching Cameron Diaz do her version of a sexy car wash was entertaining. Not one of this year’s finer comedic efforts, that’s for sure. 5/10

Red State [2011]
Red State [2011]
Directed by Kevin Smith
Starring Michael Parks, Melissa Leo, John Goodman.
Why, oh why, was this marketed as a horror movie? Kevin Smith’s latest flick is unlike anything else he has made, although it is on par with Cop Out in terms of quality. The movie starts off harmless enough in the guise of a horror film, as a trio of teenage boys are lured into a murderous trap by an extremist religious group not unlike the Westboro Baptist Church. From there, the film quickly turns into an irritating propaganda piece that ultimately becomes a boring shootout. It’s all over the damn place, and not in a way that offers much value to the viewer.

Red State is an example of a great concept ruined by a lack of proper vision. Look, I despise the Westboro Baptist Church and their homophobic ways just as much as the next guy, but they could have been the subjects of a proper horror film, not this misguided venture. There are occasional glimmers of light, particularly in the form of Michael Parks and John Goodman. Parks’ role as a rambling lunatic of a preacher is played to villainous perfection, and Goodman is fun to watch as always. It’s a shame that Red State turned out the way it did, because there is a better movie buried in their *somewhere*. 5/10

Video Game Review: Castlevania: Lords of Shadow [Xbox 360, 2010]

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Castlevania: Lords of Shadow

Castlevania: Lords of Shadow
System: Xbox 360
Publisher: Konami
Developer: Mercury Steam/Kojima Productions
Release Date: October 5, 2010

It’s no secret that I love the Castlevania series. I got hooked thanks to the PSOne classic, Symphony of the Night, and had a blast digging into the older titles (not to mention the later SOTN-like handheld sequels). I even enjoyed their first 3D offering, Castlevania 64. So naturally, I was excited to play Castlevania: Lords of Shadow (LOS), last year’s title that Konami went all out on — sparing no expense in terms of presentation. While LOS certainly looks good, the problem is that this is a generic adventure game masquerading as a Castlevania title.

You play as Gabriel Belmont, a member of the Brotherhood of Light, a group of holy knights who protect citizens from supernatural creatures. After his wife is murdered by one of them, Gabriel embarks on a journey to bring back his wife while subsequently saving the world from evil. This storyline is a complete reboot of the franchise, but it still doesn’t feel like anything new. I never played the Castlevania games for their stories, but Lords of Shadow just feels like a generic fantasy plot that is anything but interesting. This wouldn’t be a huge deal if the game didn’t feel the need to shove cutscene after cutscene down your throat, almost begging you to acknowledge it as a respectable story. I couldn’t get into it, but this wouldn’t bother me if the gameplay were solid. Unfortunately, it’s not.

Castlevania: Lords of Shadow

The game plays out like a poor man’s hybrid of God of War and Uncharted. Combat is typical hack ‘n slash fare (using a chain whip), with buttons for both “light” and “heavy” attacks. As you kill more enemies, you can unlock new, more powerful combinations, and you are given a helpful handbook to remember all of them. The game also uses the same type of magic/health systems found in God of War, even going so far as to require collecting six cogs to upgrade your meters. If you have played God of War or any other hack ‘n slasher from this generation, you will feel right at home here. There’s nothing new to see.

The Uncharted influence comes in the way of its handling of platforming elements. Gabriel often has to jump from ledge to ledge while hanging around on the side of a building, occasionally using his chain to rappel him to distant areas. Rappelling is actually a bit of a problem — there were several instances where I was rappelling down the side of a building then immediately died after reaching some sort of imaginary boundary line. Apparently the rappel can only work at various distances depending on whatever the game feels like at that particular moment. This leads to obnoxiously cheap deaths. Thankfully, checkpoints are generous, but this is still an annoyance that could have been easily fixed.

A tried and true staple of the hack ‘n slash genre are epic boss battles. Lords of Shadow tries its hand at this in the form of Titan battles. By all means, fighting these Titans should be badass. They are HUGE, not dissimilar from some of the gods in God of War. LOS’s problem is that these boss fights are painfully boring. It doesn’t take long to figure out the pattern to take them down one limb at a time, and winning ultimately amounts to climbing up them, hitting some relics and dodging their attacks. This wouldn’t be so bad if the entire sequence wasn’t horrendously slow. These fights go on far too long since the Titans take their sweet time doing anything, and every time something happens the game feels the need to show a pointless cutscene. Thankfully, there are only a handful of these segments in the game, but I can’t help but feel there was a lot of potential wasted with them.

Castlevania: Lords of Shadow

That’s really the story of Lords of Shadow: wasted potential. It all starts with the new envisioning of Belmont — this kid is devoid of any personality, has poor voice acting and looks like Generic Video Game Hero #3999573. The game’s environments, while absolutely beautiful, feel hollow and uninviting. The game attempts to create the feel of a wide open world, but it actually comes across as boxed in. Only narrow sections of the massive environments are open for use, which makes the gameplay feel like it is stuck a generation behind. LOS also uses a fixed camera, and it is absolutely horrible. The camera angles have a habit of changing at the most inopportune times, causing more cheap deaths and hiding crucial game elements.

Simple tweaks here and there would have led to an infinitely more rewarding experience. It’s not that Castlevania: Lords of Shadow is necessarily a bad game, it’s just that it doesn’t do anything particularly well. Everything here has been done before, and the total sum of all parts is merely average. It’s a shame that Konami felt the need to add the Castlevania name to this title because Lords of Shadow simply represents another failed effort to “upgrade” the series.

5/10 – average

Video Game Review: WTF: Work Time Fun [PSP, 2006]

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WTF: Work Time Fun [PSP, 2006]

WTF: Work Time Fun
System: PSP
Developer: SCEI
Publisher: D3, Sony
Release Date: October 23, 2006

It takes just one glance at WTF: Work Time Fun’s title to realize that it is going to be a bizarre and eccentric game. A quirky Japanese title, WTF is a compilation of minigames that are all over the place with randomness and unusual concepts.

In the game, you play as an oddjob worker who just so happens to be in Hell. Your goal is to make money by performing random tasks. I’m not kidding when I say “random” — tasks range from everything to putting caps on pens to kicking out of a pro wrestling pin at the last possible moment. The money earned from these projects is used for vending machines that give out completely random prizes: more tasks/minigames, useless trinkets and mostly unhelpful “tools” such as a mobile bingo machine. In essence, there is no point to the game other than to work tedious jobs and earn money to purchase meaningless items. Doesn’t sound like fun, does it?

WTF: Work Time Fun [PSP, 2006]

For all of its wackiness, WTF struggles with one major problem: most of the minigames just aren’t fun. The aforementioned Pendamonium game is probably the worst offender. In this “game” your job is to put caps on pens, occasionally taking the time to flip them over so the cap is placed in the right spot. That’s it. There is no definitive end to this task; you just keep doing this over and over again until you get tired of it. Another futile minigame has you separate baby chicks by their sex by simply hitting a different button for male and female. This goes on for a full TEN MINUTES. Whereas other minigame compilations work because they keep the games quick and to the point, WTF sometimes pushes them ad nauseum.

It should be noted that not all tasks are bad, though all are incredibly simple. I enjoyed testing my ability with the lumberjack minigame. In this one, an old lady throws out pieces of wood for you to chop — the catch is that she will occasionally toss in stuffed animals, and if you chop those you lose. Another tolerable minigame is a simple race where you have to hit the brakes at the right time in order to pass your opponent while also avoiding running off the cliff. Again, these are nothing special and actually could pass as simple Flash games, but they work in the context of WTF.

WTF: Work Time Fun [PSP, 2006]

Without its off-the-wall Japanese presentation, Work Time Fun would have nothing going for it. The games come in all sorts of shapes and sizes, and have varying aesthetic appeals. Some games look like they belong in the Atari era, whereas others use real-life images to make them stand out. It’s always interesting to see what games you can unlock, although it’s not always fun getting there.

It’s hard to recommend Work Time Fun unless you have a soft spot for weird Japanese humor and/or you enjoy performing lots of tedious work to unlock worthless collectibles. Chalk this one up as an interesting experiment that belongs to a very niche audience.

5/10

Movie Review: Super 8 [2011]

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Super 8 [2011]

Super 8 [2011]
Director: JJ Abrams
Genre: Mystery/Sci-Fi/Thriller
Language: English
Country: USA

As some sort of weird mash-up of the Goonies, E.T. and Cloverfield, Super 8 wears its influences on its sleeve. This JJ Abrams-directed and Steven Spielberg-produced summer blockbuster never really tries anything new; instead, it frequently relies on the tried-and-true tactics of old favorites to lead the way.

Set in the small fictional town of Lillian, Ohio in 1979, Super 8 follows a group of middle school-aged boys who are attempting to create their own zombie film. When they are filming a scene at the local train station, they witness a massive train crash caused by a truck that appeared to deliberately drive into the train’s path. This creates a *huge* explosion that sends pieces of the train flying everywhere, and the entire spectacle of it all is impressive — and LOUD. When the U.S. Air Force quickly shows up to clear out the area, it is obvious that this train was holding some very important cargo, something that the government does not want the public to know about.

The town of Lillian begins to experience some mysterious occurrences after the crash. Dogs are running away to other counties, people are missing and the power keeps flickering in and out. Naturally, the U.S. military has no intentions of cluing the villagers in on what’s going on, so it’s up to the kids to take matters into their own hands.

Super 8 [2011]

It’s at this point where the film started to lose me. The entire plot is pretty much basic paint-by-the-numbers stuff, and if you think something is going to happen then it will. It’s all very predictable, and the movie is full of hackneyed cliches that are more laughable than anything. The child protagonist, Joe (Joel Courtney, who reminds me a lot of Patrick Fugit in Almost Famous), struggles to maintain a healthy relationship with his father, Sheriff Deputy Jackson Lamb (Kyle Chandler), after losing his mother in a factory accident. At the same time, Joe is attempting to hide a blossoming romance with his friend Alice (Elle Fanning) since their fathers hate each other. Alice eventually becomes the de facto “damsel in distress” and I’m sure you can guess where the story goes from there.

The ending, which I won’t discuss for obvious reasons, is perhaps the guiltiest culprit of all. It is unbelievably cheesy, and in typical JJ Abrams fashion leaves a lot of questions unanswered.

Throw in some ridiculous moments such as characters conveniently knowing where to go and how to escape certain predicaments and you have a thoroughly disappointing film. I will give some credit to the group of child actors in the movie — all of them performed admirably, especially Elle Fanning, even though their characters had little redeeming values. There’s an obligatory fat kid who gets harped on about his weight and has a habit of yelling “Mint!” every other minute. There’s a kid with braces who is a pyromaniac, and his backpack full of fireworks is always brought up in an attempt to get a cheap laugh or two. There’s also a kid who vomits profusely when the going gets rough. Outside of the main protagonist, I didn’t care about any of them.

Super 8 [2011]

Super 8 is essentially a retread/homage to the old Spielberg blockbusters. There are so many plot holes, cliches and moments where the audience’s intelligence is severely questioned that it never comes close to reaching the levels of its influences. Perhaps I am not in the target audience — which seems to be 1) kids and 2) adults who still have a soft spot for the 70s/80s Spielberg movies they grew up with — but I just didn’t care at all for Super 8. It has its moments, such as the impressive train-wreck and some of the shots from the kid’s zombie film, but for the most part this is a fairly lackluster summer title.

5/10

3 On 3 NHL Arcade [Xbox 360, 2009]

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3 On 3 NHL Arcade

3 On 3 NHL Arcade
System: Xbox 360
Developer: EA Canada
Release Date: February 11, 2009

I am always interested in sports arcade games. As much as I love simulations and realistic sports games, it’s nice once in a while to kick back with a game that doesn’t take itself seriously. That’s why I was curious about 3 On 3 NHL Arcade, which was recently on sale for $2.50 (half off its regular $5 price). Unfortunately, I’m not sure it’s even worth that ridiculously low price.

3 On 3 is hockey in its most exaggerated, yet basic form. There are no teams, just blue versus red. There is no depth, just a quick match either by yourself or against a friend. Upon selecting a team color, you choose three players out of 40 total (no difference between them, except they are labeled as either “fast” “strong” or “all around”), and a goalie (again, no difference). Set a goal total and a difficulty level, and you are off to the races. The actual gameplay is decent. You are given the ability to use old-school controls or the new analog stick system from recent NHL games. To maintain its “arcadey” feel, occasionally the game throws in a handful of Mario Kart-esque powerups onto the ice. There are powerups to make either goalies or players big and small, speed boosts, 2x goal multipliers, and even the ol’ banana peel. Needless to say, games can get pretty hectic with all of the crazyness happening on screen.

3 On 3′s big problem is that there just isn’t enough to do. Playing quick matches over and over again gets old, especially if you are playing solo. By the time you hit 20-30 minutes of action, you will probably be sick of the game. Some more game modes or mini-games would have boosted the replay value. I also had a serious issue with the sound effects used in the menus. There is an obnoxious sound effect every time you hit a button. I don’t know who’s bright idea it was to do that, but it is freakin’ annoying!

In short, 3 On 3 is decidely average. It has sound gameplay, but it is sorely lacking in replayability. I can’t complain too much since I got this game for less than the price of a pint, but I can’t help but feel it could have been so much better.

5/10

Questions For The Movie Answer Man [Roger Ebert, 1997]

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Questions For The Movie Answer Man [Roger Ebert]

Questions For The Movie Answer Man
Author: Roger Ebert
Original Release: June 1997

In my latest trip to the library, I decided to peruse the movie book section. Naturally, being in Chicago, there were a large number of books by Roger Ebert sitting on the shelf. I decided to pick up a couple of them since I have been gaining a larger appreciation for his work as of late. One of these books, Questions For The Movie Answer Man, is a compilation of his newspaper columns in which he would answer questions about movies submitted by his readers.

Since this book was published in 1997, it is obviously rather dated. Ebert frequently brings up CompuServe, VHS tapes, LaserDiscs and other technological mediums that are indicative of the time period. A good portion of the book’s content is based on popular movies during that time as well — there are multiple Q&As about Forrest Gump, Independence Day and Pulp Fiction, just to name a few examples. Some of these references are laughable today, as are many of the questions that readers have sent in. It’s hard to find any utility in this book in this day and age since we now have the ability to use IMDB and Wikipedia to obtain movie information, and even Snopes to learn about urban legends (i.e. the infamous munchkin hanging from Wizard of Oz).

I have no doubts that in 1997 this book would have been a fun, quick read. However, not even Ebert’s quick wit can make this dated publication worth reading today. While I got a chuckle out of a handful of his occasional snarky replies, I can’t help but feel I should have just watched a movie instead of taking the time to read this. Do yourself a favor and go to the cinema instead — I’m sure even Ebert would approve of this behavior.

5/10

Piranha [2010]

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Piranha [2010]

Piranha [2010]
Directors: Alexandre Aja
Genre: Comedy/Horror/Thriller
Language: English
Country: USA

Tits and blood. Blood and tits.

Piranha sells itself largely on being mindless entertainment, with a steady mix of T&A and violence. The story certainly has little thought put into it — prehistoric piranhas are unearthed in Lake Havasu via an earthquake, and they come back to terrorize everyone in the water, including dozens involved in a Girls Gone Wild-esque video shoot. This is a movie that doesn’t need a meaningful story, just a background for the copious amounts of the aforementioned tits and blood.

I went into this movie expecting it to be pretty hilarious while delivering some good ol’ fashioned gore. Unfortunately, there is little in the way of humor, and the gore doesn’t really become a factor until the second half of the movie. The first half is basically softcore porn, with lots of naked women rumaging about. While I’m not one to complain about gratuitous nudity, there just isn’t a whole lot going on during this part, and it is actually a bit of a bore. Things pick up in the second half when the piranhas descend upon the masses at the beach, and there are a number of great cringe-worthy gore effects used during the chaos. The problem is that it just takes too long to get anywhere.

What makes this movie stand out amongst other B-movie trash is its surprisingly impressive cast. Elisabeth Shue has one of the main roles as the town’s sheriff. Jerry O’Connell plays the douche bag porn director, and is more than effective at being annoying. Ving Rhames has a small role as a deputy, and he is responsible for one of the best scenes in the movie (let’s just say he did his part in fighting back against the piranhas). Christopher Lloyd is entertaining as a crazed marine biologist. Somehow even Richard Dreyfuss got roped into this movie, although his early cameo is wasted with a weak CGI scene. Throw in a handful of porn stars and you have the makings for a big-time B-movie.

I wish I had seen Piranha in 3D at a packed theater — that really seems to be the best way to experience this movie. While I enjoy some good camp from time to time, Piranha doesn’t hold up very well on DVD. I can’t help but feel this could have been better with just a little more focus, and less of a decisive split between the two halves of the movie. If you are tempted, give it a shot with plenty of booze and friends on hand; otherwise, I can’t say this is worth your time.

5/10